The Story
Busayo and Niyi met at a friend’s birthday bash and they hit it off instantly. Niyi was already established, had a good job, was already settled (the whole nine yards). Unlike Busayo who was just finishing her NYSC. Due to their chemistry and serious pressures from home for Niyi to marry, after 6 months he proposed to Busayo in grand style.
2 years on, Busayo is still engaged to Niyi with little or no hope of knowing the wedding date or starting the planning phrase of the wedding. Due to the ring on her finger, guys/toasters automatically move aside.
Should Busayo still wait for Niyi hoping he finally decides on a date or should she move on?
Recently, I got some messages on blackberry about how unwise it is to stay in a long engagement. It was kind of funny because these messages referred to these ladies that accept such situations as key holders, ring holders or lord of the rings.
It seems more like once they wear the engagement rings or when they wear it for too long they end up looking like gollum in real Lord of the Rings. Heck maybe someone proposed to gollum and just didn’t marry him that’s why he ended up looking the way he did (okay pardon me as I am not about to change a story that was written hundred years ago lol ). But in all honesty, same things happen to ladies when they wear engagement rings for too long, they become invisible to other men/potential toasters and it then gets difficult to take off making it become their precious.
It is funny because in this part of real life, fairy tales don’t happen overnight. I keep telling people not to base their lives on movies. Take for example the 5 year engagement story, although, the couple got back together and later got married, the same thing might not be possible in these zones. So best believe its not another 5 year engagement story. One isn’t on a quest trying to destroy a ring(LOL!). To be honest, one doesn’t really need a whole year to plan a wedding (however, you can be pardoned if you are related to Dangote:)).
I found it kind of sad that the jokes didn’t give the guys that propose any silly names or the guys in the long engagements because they are also trapped in the whole engagement. Maybe its not so bad for them because they are the ones calling the shots seeing as they are the ones who proposed. However, there are no engagement rings that differentiates them from an ordinary man.
I always believe that a little while after the guy pops the question or proposes as the case may be, then the wedding date should be fixed or should be known by both parties involved. It is only fair to state that once the engagement is over a year and there isn’t any clear date for a wedding then the ring isn’t an engagement ring but a fashion ring and the lady is more like the female version of Frodo Baggins in Lord of the rings (let’s call her Faridah Baggins LOL) holding on to a ring that makes her invisible to other men and on a quest to the city of Mordor (to take her place amongst the Lord of the Rings) where she is trapped in another long engagement till eternity. Okay maybe its a little too harsh but you get my point..
So now my questions are these:
- How long is long enough for one to know the guy isn’t interested any longer? 1-2years, 3-4 years? etc.
- Do guys propose mainly to shut the ladies up so she wouldn’t be able to socialise with other toasters? Or do they propose just because they are required by society to do so at a particular age?
- Or worse they know they can still misbehave knowing fully well that they have a lady intact?
Guys, kindly leave your answers/opinions in the comment box below. Thanks
Nice one… You wouldn’t want to be faridah baggins!
Maybe engagement rings should come with expiry date eh!
Tell me about it. Yes o! I think they should.
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Couldn’t stop laffing..funny but sad..have a few friends who have become mothers as a result of this faridah baggins phase..I don’t blame some girls dat act like dey’r shy n dnt wear deir engagemnt rings..dey simply dnt wanna be put “on a long thing”…Some end up in marriages tho
Yeah some do but it is really difficult to tell if a time isn’t stated. Yeah it is indeed sad. I actually want to hear what guys think. I guess I am hoping they have genuine reasons because it isn’t easy being a faridah baggins
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Whoa, it all a mix of all the above options. I jt believe if no date is set witjin 1-2yrs, d whole engagement is joke. Kindly trade-in d ring for earrings or money n move on.
Mehn, I feel you jare. Nobody wants to be a ring holder or a lord of the rings. It is truly sad.
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Lmaooo true though y propose nd no hope of marriage??? Is she lyk ur zombie or sumfin??? Well u propose nd u act slow sum oda dude myt snatch her then bt true her market value go don depreciate small lool bt sum guys luv chasing d gals dey tink dey can’t av cuz she is engaged thrill 4 dem iguess so hopefully d gals will get lucky #optimist lol
Ps yetee pay 4 d comment :p
how much do u want? :p
seriously i don’t understand sha
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Lmao! @ my precious.. Na really faridah baggins! Well as a guy I think 2 years is enuff though.. “Trade d ring 4 earings or money”. Lol. But w8 d guy myt be racking up ‘hustling’ 4 a beta future u know..
Abeg joor. which kind hustle.. Isn’t 2 years a lot???
Hmm… U’ve said it all! Why propose in the 1st place when you aint ready to settle down with ur lady? And when I mean settle, I mean being spiritually, physically, mentally and of course finacially ready. If you are not ready, it would be VERY unfair to put the lady on a long thing, instead as Maxwell sang, set her free to flap her pretty wings!
My points exactly. People should listen to Maxwell more often
Lolol!! It’s tough tho…nice write up btw!
Plenty thanks
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Well……it all depends on the understanding they both have.But it is better to be engaged for at most one year.And if nothing happens after that,abeg make una find una levels…..Time waits for no one.
time waits for nobody o…am sure the babe might be boiling inside after one year and no show.
‘key holders’, quite funny…lol. So its either of two things. The guy may understand an ‘engagement’ to be something that can take any length of time before marriage, something without an ‘expiry date’. And so he may not see a problem with the situation at all, even though the engagement has stretched for one, two or even more years. Or, it may be the case that the guy and the babe simply haven’t communicated what their plans are for marrage, and so they’re both confused. Either way, it seems to be a simple matter of communication.
some guys are clueless tho
If u are not ready for marriage, then don’t propose. I believe marriage plans should start immediately after and should not take more than 6 months after.
help me tell them o
But also.. It is not usually always the guys fault yetee… At the end of the day faridah herself should ask the guy what the plans r n stuff if nothing is discussed.
As u very well know from the five year engagement story, it was primarily the girl’s fault that they were not married… It has to do with both parties most times.
True but you have to admit that it is mostly the guy’s fault jare
I initially hesitated commenting because yetee seems to have some bias against guys!lol But honestly, accepted that some guys are afraid of taking that lifelong plunge and commitment of marriage. Unfortunately, how many ladies out there would want to start out life with just mere necessities, how many ladies would accept if U̶̲̥̅̊ suggest starting out in a one bedroom apartment and without a car? The reality today is that the average serious guy is under more pressure than ever to perform, that is why engagements seems to last forever!If ladies tell their man that they don’t mind starting humbly ( and that includes not having those fairytale weddings) I am sure many engagements will become marriages sooner than later.
Lmao @ bias. Nah that’s not me o jare. Only stating the facts but if I am getting you, you are saying guys propose and then leave their women hanging to go gather their wealth just because they do not want them to suffer??? Well that does not really happen in Naija o or maybe not this naija. However it can be an explanation. But wait, is that why the engagement should take years before the actual date? Pls help me out here o